i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
