So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
