im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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