You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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