so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
