I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
