So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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