I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
