The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
