when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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