When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
