I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
