i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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