I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
