Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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