you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
