I've blown a few things in my day
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
