You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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