ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
