Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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