It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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