i barfeds in our rink
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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