Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
