i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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