i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
