So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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