I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize