The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
