I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize