I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
