My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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