i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
