dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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