ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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