Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
