Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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