you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
