I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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