Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
