Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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