Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize