Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
