Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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