Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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