im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
