sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
