Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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