guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
