you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
