If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?