Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

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(814): I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around http://tfl.nu/xsf6

Replies (13) Good night (1178) Bad night (2248)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.

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(612): I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good. http://tfl.nu/ra59

Replies (91) Good night (6014) Bad night (1162)
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(213): View more from California

How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

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(213): How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know. http://tfl.nu/sm0x

Replies (15) Good night (3736) Bad night (827)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.

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(814): I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day. http://tfl.nu/s1o1

Replies (5) Good night (5426) Bad night (668)
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(360): View more from Washington

I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.

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(360): I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back. http://tfl.nu/kpg0

Replies (21) Good night (11474) Bad night (986)
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(618): View more from Illinois

Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all

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(618): Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all http://tfl.nu/t0uz

Replies (11) Good night (3153) Bad night (781)
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(440): View more from Ohio

She swung at the pinata with crutches

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(440): She swung at the pinata with crutches http://tfl.nu/dkgf

Replies (4) Good night (1786) Bad night (1275)
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(845): View more from New York

It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes

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(845): It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes http://tfl.nu/nbul

Replies (9) Good night (606) Bad night (2607)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took

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(780): Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took http://tfl.nu/mwwf

Replies (8) Good night (2307) Bad night (657)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.

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(907): I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue. http://tfl.nu/inzh

Replies (3) Good night (867) Bad night (455)
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(512): View more from Texas

Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved

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(512): Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved http://tfl.nu/jelh

Replies (2) Good night (822) Bad night (396)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.

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(918): If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off. http://tfl.nu/c8gb

Replies (7) Good night (964) Bad night (386)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?

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(612): Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle? http://tfl.nu/3yux

Replies (2) Good night (797) Bad night (309)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.

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(603): I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty. http://tfl.nu/jo6d

Replies (5) Good night (316) Bad night (685)
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(647): View more from Ontario

I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!

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(647): I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers! http://tfl.nu/sbfn

Replies (6) Good night (440) Bad night (479)

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