After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS