Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's