He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
