Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

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  (805) she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat. http://tfl.nu/up7k
  Replies (12) Good night (1519) Bad night (1707)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen

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  (614): Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen http://tfl.nu/x16d
  Replies (15) Good night (3456) Bad night (629)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?

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  (717): so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong? http://tfl.nu/4brz
  Replies (28) Good night (3860) Bad night (921)
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  (530): View more from California

  Fat chicks shouldn't bartend

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  (530): Fat chicks shouldn't bartend http://tfl.nu/r18g
  Replies (245) Good night (1040) Bad night (3727)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...

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  (513): why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway... http://tfl.nu/r09c
  Replies (12) Good night (904) Bad night (4349)
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  (415): View more from California

  How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?

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  (415): How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control? http://tfl.nu/y9i1
  Replies (27) Good night (1726) Bad night (3786)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?

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  (303): Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo? http://tfl.nu/2zc2
  Replies (5) Good night (2672) Bad night (780)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.

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  (401): Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one. http://tfl.nu/yysi
  Replies (4) Good night (4310) Bad night (752)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.

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  (479): Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing. http://tfl.nu/uted
  Replies (2) Good night (1142) Bad night (382)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.

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  (256): Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl. http://tfl.nu/7wpk
  Replies (6) Good night (593) Bad night (470)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.

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  (918): I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time. http://tfl.nu/atlw
  Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (374)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.

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  (850): I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/4u28
  Replies (9) Good night (534) Bad night (617)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one

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  (336): I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one http://tfl.nu/2mql
  Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (232)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".

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  (774): Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs". http://tfl.nu/b7z8
  Replies (2) Good night (158) Bad night (413)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  Just kidding.  Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.

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  (915): Just kidding.  Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day. http://tfl.nu/rgp6
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (168)

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