I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!