He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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