I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
