My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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