btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
