I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
