everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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