somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
