Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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