my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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