I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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