The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
