no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
