was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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