Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
