great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
