His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
