he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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