i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
